- Dec 11, 2018
In retrospect, it was never going to work between Josh (not his real name) and me. He is vegan, and cheese is simply too important to my lifestyle for our relationship to have lasted long-term. Still, when he dumped me via Zoom a few days ago, it still hurt even in the midst of a pandemic.
The breakup was about as humiliating as you would expect. I feel like I deserve a trophy for both anticipating it and mentally preparing to handle it with as much composure as I did during the call, as well as physically preparing — putting on a touch of foundation, some mascara, and a neutral lipstick before the call started. I didn’t want the last thing he saw before he dumped me to be my blotchy red cheeks and sad, weird, and invisible redhead eyelashes.
It also feels pretty shitty to be in your childhood bedroom when you get a “Hey are you free to talk later?” text, and then you make the call, only to have your dad yell something incomprehensible at you from downstairs and you have to yell back, “I’m in the middle of something, Dad!” and that something is being dumped. It didn't help that the internet connection wasn’t great so we kept freezing, and I said, “we’re breaking up” and we were! It was very surreal — I couldn’t help but think of the episode of 30 Rock where Liz Lemon and Floyd end their long-distance relationship the same way.
Getting Dumped During A Pandemic
The internet connection wasn't great, so we kept freezing. “We’re breaking up,” I said — and we were!